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Keanu Pfister

*Name..Keanu Farkus Pfister (which roughly translates to ‘Cool breeze between the cheeks’)
*Job at ATU..Reporter extraordinaire
*Age..21
*Colour of eyes..Brown (only one)
*Height..5’ 6”
*Weight..And see
*Marital status..N/A!
*Brothers/Sisters..3 or 4 depending on how you view it,Mildred,Noleen,Tobias and Cedric. My two brothers are actually Siamese twins that are joined at the tongue..strange but true.
*Reason you became a Beatle fan..The bath scene in ‘A hard days night’ and Paul's “shrinkage” scene in ‘Help’
*Favorite colour..Black,because that’s the colour Paul's toenail would be if he dropped a brick on it
*Favorite Food..The Colonels KFC,especially when you bite into a pocket of antibiotics they have pumped the chickens full of ,‘Mmmmmmmmmm Antibiotics’
*Favorite Drink..Sub Zero’s (by the palette)

 

 



















Elvin Chad & Frantique Rotalacta

*Name.. .Elvin Aaron Chad
* Age.. 30
*Weight-..43 kgs
*Marital status .. Free,gay and happy
*Brothers and sisters.. .2 of each,Cliff,Herman,Mitsy and Bambi
*Employment..Brassiere salesman
*Hobbies..Making life-size sculptures of Paul McCartney out of my belly button lint
*Ambition..To be involved in,or the cause of James McCartney's next accident
*4 people you'd like to invite to dinner..Keanu Reeves,Camilla Parker Bowles,Fat Cat and Frantique Rotalacta
*Favorite TV show..The Partridge family (Ruben Kinkade had a huge influence on my life)
*Claim to fame..I was named after Elvin the cat who had a bit part in the movie 'A Hard Days Night'. Elvin was the cat being stroked by the lady in the train scene (look for Elvin's name in the credits)
*Favorite food..Leg of TVP
*Favorite drink..Scotch and coke,with a dash of Coca-Cola thrown in as well.
*Name..Frantique Monica Delores Jemima Rotalacta
*Age..87 (According to carbon dating)
*Height..5' 1" (Same as my dance instructor Iggy Pop)
*Weight..23 stone(s)
*Siblings..3 brothers,Eva,Zsa Zsa and Miriam
*Marital status..Semi-detached
*Employment..Mortician/Beautician
*Favorite Beatle..Jimmy Nichol.
*Favorite Beatle song..'Piggies',being a country girl the sound of pigs a-hollerin' and a-squealin' brings a tear to my glass eye
*Favorite group or artist other than The Beatles..'The gay limburger accordion group'
*Favorite hobby..Sending chain letters to my 92 other personalities..one of which is an Electrolux vacuum cleaner
.*Favorite food..Anything furry I can graze off the floor of the movie theatre
*Favorite Drink..A cocktail perfected in the laboratories of the 'Rotalacta centre for the study of alcohol mismanagement' called 'The Blue Flamer' (equal shots of Stoli,Summer wine,Cream Cheese,Lighter fluid,a snifter of Goats Milk and a subtle dash of Midori) have the matches ready for this one girls,a sure fire stocking scorcher!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



Hitachi Francis

*Name..Hitachi Francis
*Height..5’ 8” with my brace and calipers on.
*Job at ATU..I work in the press office. Having spent the last seven years working as Geoff Baker's right
hand man at MPL I thought it was time I branched out on my own to spread rumours of my own.
*Favorite Beatle hobby..Collecting every label variation of every piece of vinyl ever released by The Beatles
or anyone they ever knew,worked with,or heard of. It’s a tiresome task,but someone has to do it don’t they?
*Favorite Beatle song..’I Will'. I love the bass tone on this tune. This shows what devotion Paul has for his art.
Not many people know but Macca actually allowed the engineers to feed a Neuman bass mike down his
esophagus into his left lung to get that extra punchy resonance. What a guy!
*Day Job..I work in the hospitality industry .I am head supervisor in the pan room at the Princess Margaret
hospital at Yowie bay.
*Favorite scent..Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm,well the scent of a beautiful woman's freshly washed and sundried
hair cascading across her shoulder is nice,however if forced to choose..I couldn’t go past the heady aromatic
delights of a damp Ugg boot that’s been left to mature in the laundry.
*Favorite drink..GI and vodka,known in the biz as a ‘Seasick Russian’

 

Doris Codwad
*Name..Doris Codwad
Marital status..Married to my job
*Reason that you became a Beatle fan..You know that scene where Paul is climbing up the Army tank in ‘Help’,
where he is wearing those skin tight beige pants? Well that’s not it,actually it was their lovely rendition of
Sie Lieb Dich, just their sheer bravery at trying to accommodate the difficult German tongue was enough for me.
*Favorite food..Battered jellyfish in a light hollandaise sauce
*4 people you would like to invite to dinner..John Laws (providing he does a poetry reading after dinner)
Bernard King, Leonardo di Caprio and Ethel Chop.
*Job at ATU..I’m one of the features writers as well as researchers. Several of my stories have been put up
for Pulitzer literature prize awards including my expose on Paul McCartney's habit of recycling his wardrobe and fashions over several decades!
*Claim to fame..I studied at the ‘Rotalacta Institute for Genetic Modifications to those suffering Moperatic episodes and deviancies'. I had the honour of being under the personal tutelage of Ms Rotalacta her very self….in fact it was Miss Rotalacta who encouraged and guided me through my thesis on the correlation between pubic merkin lice
and the failure to be able to flatulate on demand.

Dottie Fernblatt

Name..Dottie Fernblatt
*Age..25 (are we talking years,months,decades or what?)
*Favorite Beatle..Billy Preston
*Favorite group other than The Beatles..Mary Schnieder. I have every one of her yodelling albums,one of
which is autographed and is in my display cabinet right next to my Pete Best autograph.
Job at ATU..I’m Ms Rotalacta’s ‘Girl Friday’,which basically means every Friday I come into the offices of
ATU and Ms Rotalacta’s whims (and whips) are my command,also if and when Miffy the office dog gets a bit dry
I help out licking stamps and envelopes.
Quirks?..I wear a gas mask to bed….personally I wouldn’t call this a quirk,however the Geelong sling backs
AFL B grade team all seemed a bit bemused by it..hey ‘different horses for different courses’

 

Tristram Sleestack

*Name..Dudley Tristram Sleestack
*Job at ATU..I’m the one who bends all the strait little bits of wire into the shape of staples,then I push them through each issue to hold the pages together
*Age..16 in dog years
*Height..6’ 9 ½ in sensible court heels
*Weight..40,735 grams
*Marital status..Divorced (for the 9th time)
*Brothers and Sisters..None who will own up.
*Favorite Beatle hobby..Collecting photographs of the Beatles in various stages of undress,I also make
abstract butter sculptures by interpreting the lyrics from songs off ‘Ringo the 4th’ and ‘Bad boy’ albums.
*Favorite Beatle quotes - GEORGE: ‘There never was a time when we didn’t exist and there wont be a time
RINGO: ‘I hate gardening!’ , PAUL: ‘And then John would say..”It couldn’t get much worse!”
JOHN: ‘Hugh!!,put your @#$%ing headphones on!’
*Ambition..To own a string of hair removal salons
*Favorite movie..’Little Malcolm and his struggle against the eunuchs’ (I had a small part in this movie)
*Favorite food & Drink ....Fresh fruit from Tony’s in Jamaica and Tia Maria,Baileys and Cointreau .

Zac Fishflaw & Miffy (ATU's thrill seeker mascot dog)

*Name..Zac Fishflaw (and Miffy ATU’s thrill seeker mascot dog)
*Job at ATU..On mail out day I race Miffy around the soccer oval fifteen times,by then she’s foaming at the mouth so we take her inside where I wipe the stamps over her tongue before sticking them on the envelopes.
*Colour of eyes..Magenta,though Miffy’s are always changing. She likes coloured contact lenses to suit her moods,nothing too luminous whilst she’s out butt sniffing though.
*Employment..Freelance sausage balloon twister and artiste’, my greatest ‘twister balloon’ triumph came
when I recreated the entire ‘Good morning, Good morning’ dance sequence from the movie “Singing in the Rain”,complete with a balloon-esque Debbie Reynolds.
Favorite movie..101 Dalmatians. It just cracks me up to watch Miffy race up to the screen and try to sniff it
every time those cartoon dogs appear.
*Favorite Beatle..Billy Preston
*Favorite shoe style of Pauls..Birkinstocks,I can say no more.

 

Herr Lipp

*Name..Herr Lipp
*Job at ATU..Not really sure. Herr Lipp turned up one day at the ATU office and asked for a glass of water.
Herr Lipp was lucky to be on hand and rescued Frantique from the paper shredding machine after her bottom
became trapped in it….we somehow felt indebted to keep him on, though don’t worry..none of your ATU
subscription money goes towards his salary. Herr Lipps tenure at ATU is gratefully funded by the federal government's ‘displaced moper’er’s and stylistically challenged immigrants scheme’.

 

 

 

*The ATU annual office party 2001-12-12

Here is a photograph of some of your staff members ‘Going off’ at our 2001 ‘Look Sharp’ office party,as you can see when we party,
we PAR-TAY!!.

 

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